Fixed!!
For any of you that may ever have this problem, let me recap:
While the engine was running, the fans would always be on, and it would bump the throttle (as if it was expecting the compressor to engage) every 5 seconds. I ran the KOEO and came up with code 539 - A/C on during self test. But it wasn't! The ETAC was set to OFF.
ProjectSHO's info said to check pin 10 with the key to ON. So I checked (many times); No voltage. So I replaced the PCM - Same thing. 539.
Bah! What now? So I chased that Pink/light blue wire (goes to pin 10) around and came to the CCRM. All connections looked good & only measured .5 volts. So there's current bleeding but where from? Off we go chasing that wire again....on to the high-pressure cut out switch.
So I removed the connector that goes to the switch and start the car...
What's this? NO fans?! Werd!! Connect it back to the sensor and wheeeeeee on goes the fans! Houston we found the problem!
$26 later and I have
ICE COLD A/C again! I'm stoked! I was expecting to pay a mad amount of money to fix this. This was the easiest repair I've ever done on this car if you count out the hours thinking and tinkering just trying to find the problem.

Seems the switch shorted internally and was throwing current where it didn't need to go. Luckily it didn't keep my compressor engaged this whole time.
But now it seems (with the a/c on) my comperssor is almost always engaged.
Perhaps I need to grab a set of gauges and see how much refrigerant I've got in there. Either way, that's some cold air! Word.